I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
