Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
