I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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