I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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