Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
