last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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