dude i'm inner monologue high
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
