wanna go halves on a baby?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
