I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
