I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
