It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
