I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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