Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
where are my eyebrows?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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