Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
