seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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