If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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