Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
