this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
