somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize