I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
