Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
