I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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