I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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