I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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