Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
