Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
