im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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