did you get engaged???
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
