Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize