i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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