im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The beer is more important than you right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
