I CAN MOONWALK!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize