there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
