Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
