he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
