I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
