i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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