we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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