I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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