apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
