I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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