he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
