Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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