i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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