I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
