I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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