Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
