I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
