Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
