Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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