How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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