her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
