So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
