I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
