U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
