I will die if light touches me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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