I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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