Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
