wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
