i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
