So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize