I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is my gift to your gina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
