I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
