i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
