I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
