if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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