hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
