I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
