I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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