we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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