not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
