I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
