One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
