I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
