I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
