Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize