We won't sleep together?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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