i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
