Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
