Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
