is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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