i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize