come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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