Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
