he thought i was a dude.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize