In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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