i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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