i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
