all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
