??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
