did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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