nut hugger
So drunk its hurt
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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