drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
