Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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