she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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