Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
