All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
