jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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