sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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