I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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