omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
