Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
