I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the high leading the old right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
